Dad talks Ty!

Dear Ty,

I can’t believe you are already a month and a half old!  It’s cliché to say, but it does seem like just yesterday that I was running out in the middle of the night to find pregnancy tests.  You are growing so fast.  You are already over 10lbs!  Your little face has changed so much.  Mom may have mentioned it, but we started calling you Bubba because of your chubby cheeks (we’ll be sure to tell this to your future significant others!).  Before you came into our lives, I had no idea of any of the development stages babies go through.  Needless to say, I am learning quickly.  I am also learning not to look too far into the future.  There are so many things I can’t wait to do with you, sometimes I have to stop myself and enjoy everything today.  I was so excited the first day you started smiling.  I don’t know for certain if those smiles mean that you are genuinely happy, but I hope they do!  That smile will be the ace up your sleeve in any situation.  Just flash that smile and you’ll be set!  I’ll have you know that your Mom and I make such fools of ourselves trying to make you smile.  We try to take so many pictures of you, but if you ever flipped the camera around, you’d have some great blackmail material!

I was extremely lucky to be able to take 4 weeks off of work to bond with you.  Going back to work was extremely tough.  I loved spending my whole day with you and Mom.  I was so apprehensive to have to leave you for 8 hours, fearing not only I would miss something big, but also that you would forget who I was.  Luckily, I’m not a morning person and you were up late so I was too tired to be sad and afraid to leave on my first day back!  Suffice it to say, I missed you so much.  Since your mom is awesome, she texted me a bunch of pictures of you.  Even though going to work each day is tough, I am genuinely excited to come home and see you at the end of every day.  Most days, you are just going into snuggle bug mode by the time I get home, so you get to claim me as a victim and we have a glorious and much needed nap!

I am just so thrilled that you are in my life.  Another cliché we heard is that you’ll never know love until you have children.  Man, are they right.  I cannot express how much I love you.  Same goes for your Mom.  I dearly loved your Mom before you were here, but somehow, after seeing you and her together, I love her even more! 

I love you, buddy!

Dad

Can't Get Enough of Your Love, Babe

Dear Ty,

You are an angel.  You slept for six consecutive hours last night.  SIX HOURS!  That is a beautiful, beautiful thing.  I can't explain how much that means to us. :)  Why did you do it...?

Was it because we read No, David! together or because we danced to "Can't Get Enough of Your Love, Babe" for twenty minutes straight to put you to sleep?

If so, we'll read and hang out with Barry White every night.

Was it because Dad had an early meeting and needed his sleep badly or because I am worried about how soon I'll have to hang out with my eighth graders all day after being up with you at night?

If so, we truly appreciate your consideration and kindness in easing our troubles and worries.  That's really nice of you.

Was it just a random occurrence, possibly one that won't happen again soon?

If so, we'll still take it and won't take it for granted!  In any case, angel boy, thank you THANK YOU thank you!

My Tyson, I can't get enough of your love baby
Ty, I don't know, I don't know why
Can't get enough of your love, Bubba
Oh, some things I can't get used to
No matter how I try
Just like the more you give, the more I want
And baby, that's no lie

Love you,

                                                                              Mom

P.S. I got some pictures yesterday of the things I've been telling you about.  Check these out, silly boy!

What could make you concentrate this hard?  Hmm.  I'll give you one clue.  #2.

You smiled all through the subsequent four-alarm (wipe) diaper change.  You already know how to charm the ladies (or at least this one).  

Broken and Fixed and Broken

Dear Bubba (we call you that a lot now that you're adding a little chub to your physique),

I'm typing one-handed right now.  I think that about sums up the past few weeks.  That may sound silly, but let me explain.  Daddy went back to work, so we have been spending our days hanging out just the two of us.  I've started lots of other posts for this (many of them also done one-armed while you sleep on the other), and I have the best of intentions to finish them.  I wanted this all to be perfect for you, and I wanted to document every last second with you so that I would not forget a single moment.  I was waiting to even post and publish everything until I had it polished and could put everything in chronological order, instead of the scattered chaos of drafts currently occupying my computer.  But nothing is quite polished these days, is it?  After all, I already told you I'm typing one-handed.

The truth is that as much as I want to have a record of every second of every day of your life, actually living every second with you is more important and has put everything else on the back burner.  I want to be with you all of the time, even when you're sleeping (hence all the unfinished business).  I do just enough every day to feel some small sense of accomplishment- I shower, make the bed, take care of the laundry, visit with friends, and cook dinner- but I rush through it all just to get back to the times when I can snuggle with you.  The countdown until I go back to work is more and more present in my mind with each day that passes, and I just want to cherish all of our little moments together because I know I can never get them back.

You're too little to do any of the "big" things yet, but all the little things you do seem so big to me.  I love to watch you sleep.  You surrender to me in complete and total trust.  You make the cutest little faces and wriggle yourself into poses that have me constantly taking out my phone to take pictures of your every move.  Daddy loves to get these at work.  I love when you are awake and walk around the house with me with your tiny arm wrapped around my shoulder.  I will miss the way you cling to me like that when it's time for us to both be a little more independent.  I love that we know when you're going "number two" because you make grunting noises and clench your fists, and your face gets all angry.  I can't tell you how much that cracks us up.  I love that we can have "conversations" now where you respond to my questions and comments with your own little squeaks and squeals and noises.  I know it's probably all in my head and you're too young for that to actually be true, but I swear sometimes we really communicate.  I LOVE that every now and then, you're finally sneaking in a little smile.  I say finally because we have just been dying for you to smile since before you were even born!  There are endless other things that I love about you, but my one hand is getting tired, and I have so much more to say.

I must admit to you that this morning was rough.  You threw up all over my pillow and me, and I felt as if all that time I had just spent nursing you kind of went to waste... all down my side and even into my pants.  You woke up early and wanted to eat and eat and eat and not go back to your crib and not go back to sleep.  While we were playing, you filled your diaper so much that it leaked all over, further soiling the sheets (which means now I will have to take some time away from you to do more laundry and change the bed).  I was hungry and thirsty and tired and desperate for a shower.  None of that was even really a big deal, though.  I'm used to it.  I don't get mad at you or frustrated with you because you're just a baby.  I don't want you to feel anything but pure love and joy radiating from me to you.  You just do what babies do.  In fact, I think you're even better than most babies.  You have really been such a good boy.

What made this morning rough was something different.  I put you in your bassinet the way I always do so that I could take a quick shower.  I turned around for what I swear was only two seconds, and I heard you screaming like you have never screamed before.  I rushed back to you and found that one of your crazy thrashing legs had gotten stuck between two bars of the bassinet, and you were screaming and crying as you tried unsuccessfully to get it out.  I pulled it out as quickly as I could and swooped you up to me.  Your little leg was bright red, and I was frantic.  You wouldn't stop crying, and I was devastated.  I thought you had broken your leg... and now it would never grow... and you would have to live your life with one regular leg and one that was feet shorter... and it was all my fault... and why did I need a stupid shower anyway... you get the picture.  I know it sounds dumb now.  I was just so worried for you.  When I still hadn't gotten you to calm down fifteen minutes later, I called your dad.  I was clearly a mess because he said right away that he would come home.

I finally calmed you down and got you to eat, which comforted you even more (you may look just like your daddy, but you are so my kid too... haha).  Your dad came home and calmed me down.  He assured me that you seemed fine finally and that I am not the worst mom in the world.  He stayed long enough for me to get a shower and to eat, bless his heart.  Have I told you yet how amazing he is?  That's way more than I can do one-handed, but I'm sure it will come up many more times.

Even though you're just fine, I will probably beat myself up about this for a while.  I'm not saying that to make you feel bad.  Rather, I want you to understand how incredibly important you are to me.  That's what I do with everything I'm passionate about.  At the end of the day, I take inventory of my mistakes and think about how I can be a better Christian, a better wife, a better teacher, a better friend, a better woman.  I have now added to the top of that list wondering every day how I can be a better mom for you.  Each day I resolve to learn from the day before and to improve the day after.

What I realized today and what I try to repeat to myself every day is that despite all the mistakes I'm making, I'm doing okay.  When I thought something had happened to you, my instincts kicked in, and I was ready to do whatever it took to comfort and protect you.  I wrapped you up and tried to pour every last bit of love I have into you.  I want you to know today and always that I will do anything and everything for you.  I pity the first kid who messes with you at school or the first person who breaks your heart because I don't know if they will survive me.  I will always always always do my best and be my best for you so that I can survive me.

I want this world to be a better place now more than ever because you live in it now.  This will make me a better Christian, a better wife, a better teacher, a better friend, a better woman, and a better mom.  Thanks for loving me unconditionally, despite the fact that I am flawed and always broken and fixing myself.  Thanks for being such a perfect little man.  Thanks for being a daily reminder of God's love.

Thanks for choosing just the right moment to smile this morning to prove to me once and for all that I had not broken you on my watch.  

I love you, Tyson.

Mom

Once Upon a Time...

Dear Ty,

                I have only gotten to love you in my arms for a week, but I have wanted you for as long as I can remember.  When I married your dad five years ago, I wanted you even more.  For the first few years we were married, he would always talk about “his” kids, and we would joke (I think J) about whether or not the day would come when dreams of his kids would become dreams of ours.  We both always knew, though, that it was just a matter of time. 

                Even before we knew you, we wanted so badly to do everything right.  We got our jobs, bought our house, practiced with your brother General as our first child, and finished our degrees.  We have always wanted you and wanted to be able to give you everything we can.  When your dad started talking about our kids and mentioned to me in passing one time at the mall that maybe I’d be shopping at a maternity store soon, I almost cried with joy.  It was almost time.

                We had one last college style hurrah at your “Aunt” Carolyn’s wedding in September, knowing that we were hoping our lives would change soon after.  We were finally ready to make you a reality, and we knew for sure that there was enough love between us to fill another person.  What we didn’t realize was how quickly we would be blessed!

Aunt Carolyn and Uncle Ryan's Wedding
Are you embarrassed yet?

                Actually, I take that back.  I knew.  I swear I knew that you existed from almost the moment that it was true.  Your dad told me not to be disappointed, that it’s not always so easy.  Still, there was something that clicked with me right away that I just can’t explain.   When my first pregnancy test came up negative, I wasn’t really even that disappointed.  I still knew what was what and figured I had been a little anxious, and it must just be too early.  Your dad thought I was a little crazy.  He’s not wrong about that, but he’s also still figuring out that I’m often right.

After the negative and before the positive... there you are in my belly :)

                The second, third, fourth, and fifth tests all allowed me to say “I told you so.”  The first two tests just had these pesky lines that were hard to read, especially when we knew that if we could want them into existence, we would.  Your dad ran out to the drug store in the middle of the night (while I chugged water to make sure I would not hold up the process) and got two more that would say “pregnant” if it was really true.   They did.  We were overjoyed.  October 3, 2011, was the first of many days where you would begin to change our lives.

This is just some of the tests!

                The hardest part was not being able to shout our news from the rooftops, but it was also kind of fun.  Your dad is not usually very good at keeping secrets (remember this if you ever want to know anything… you can pry pretty much anything out of him without much effort), and it was exciting to have our own little secret for a while.  We read all kinds of information online, chatted constantly about how we would tell everyone you were coming, and thought it was adorable how protective General was of me.  We think he’s known about you since the beginning, too. 

                The only time you ever caused any trouble was at the beginning.  I was teaching a difficult group of students, taking my last few classes for my Master’s degree, and working on my final research project.  During all of this, I was sick.  Oh, I was sick!  I couldn’t eat chocolate or cook meat (or much of anything, for that matter), and I spent many timeouts of Michigan football games in the bathroom.   What got me through was thinking of you.  When I couldn’t get full of anything else, I filled my head with thoughts of how sweet it would be to meet you and to love you.

13 Weeks
Master's Presentation Day

                We told your grandparents and aunts and uncles about you at the end of October, and I think it may have been even harder for them to keep you a secret than it was for us.  You have been so loved by so many people since you were just a teeny tiny little guy in my belly who looked more like a dinosaur than a baby.  That’s what daddy said you looked like after we saw you for the first time anyway.  He wasn’t entirely convinced that you were a baby yet, but I’m not sure it would have made a difference.  He was in love!

                We went to Texas for Thanksgiving and finally filled everyone else in about you.  Of course, there were more tears and more joy.  I was starting to feel better at last, and I was so thankful that you helped me to fulfill my dream of having an excuse to wear stretchy maternity pants for Thanksgiving dinner and to fill them to the brim.    I told my students about you a week later and was glad to be able to finally explain to them why I had spent so much time behind my desk eating popcorn.

Your first 80's Day!

                The rest of my pregnancy went about as smoothly as it possibly could.  I felt great, and you made me crave all kinds of wonderful things.  Your dad and I have never had so many fruits and vegetables and salads!  I liked showing you off as a little bump and feeling your tiny limbs poke out here and there to remind me that you were growing and healthy.  I finished my Master’s degree, and that was sure a relief.  At your twenty week ultrasound, we decided that you were actually a baby (not a dinosaur), and we saw how active you were with your legs all over the place in all of your pictures.  We showed those pictures around to anyone who was willing to look (and possibly to a few people who didn’t really care but were nice enough to ooh and ahh).  We chose not to find out if you were a boy or a girl.  Honestly, we were ecstatic that you existed and were healthy, and we knew that we would adore you no matter what.  We were certainly right about that!  One of the most exciting parts of every week was getting the e-mail that told us how you were developing and which kind of fruit we could compare you to (weird, I know).  Then, we’d flip the block on the little countdown we made and get even more excited for the next week.

20 Weeks

                You were showered with gifts by your Texas relatives in March, by your Mierzwa grandparents constantly, by your Barnwell family in April, and by other friends and family for all nine months that you were cooking.  Your daddy and I were overwhelmed by how many people you were going to have in your life to love you, and we felt so blessed by all the people in our lives. 

We're having fun at your Texas shower!  (Well, I am anyway .)

Texas Shower

Here we are at your Barnwell shower with Heather (and Baby T!)

                We decided that we simply could not wait to see you, so we had some 3D Ultrasound pictures taken around thirty weeks.  In typical Tyson style, your little legs were kicking, and we cracked up that your feet were in your face almost the entire time.  We started planning your future as a kicker or dancer or something squirmy.  Your daddy decided that not only were you a baby, but you were a pretty darn cute one at that.  I must say I agreed wholeheartedly, and our excitement just kept growing.

                We spent the last few months in overdrive.  We were constantly working on your nursery, writing thank you notes, cleaning, reading about your progress, going to appointments to listen to your heartbeat, and trying to get everything finished for the end of my school year.   Dad finished his Master’s degree in May, and we knew we were officially so ready for you to make your arrival.  Almost everyone thought you were going to be a boy, but we really still had no idea.  We were just so freaking elated for you to be you and to come use all the stuff that was filling our house.  We couldn’t believe how one little person could have so many things!

36 Weeks or So...

                The last few weeks were even crazier.  I was finally done teaching, and I started to get bored.  I just wanted to meet you!  Your daddy loved it because I was throwing things out, cleaning, cooking, doing laundry, and getting the house ready.  I also read a few books, watched entirely too many Lifetime movies, and even went so far as to take apart the refrigerator and clean it piece by piece.   We started getting daily texts and messages from family and friends who were casually checking in to “say hi” (which really meant they were almost as anxious to meet you as we were).  I started to think maybe you were just too comfortable and that you’d stay where you were forever!  Even though it wasn’t your due date yet, I had sworn that you were going to be early.  It just took you a little more time than I thought to figure out that I was right.  Like father, like son.

To be continued…

Love,

Mom    

Prologue

Dear Ty,

   Dad and I decided to write this blog to document the first year of our "Ferri Tale" life together.  Yes, we're cheesy.  Get used to it.  The plan is for us to tell you about how cool and silly and loved you are.  We also want to keep track of all the things you do and all the things we do together.  At the end of the year, we'll make this into a book for you (and for us to embarrass you with, of course).  We hope that this will help Big Ty to learn all about your little self and will show you how much your dorky parents love and adore you.  Enjoy!

Love,

Mom and Dad

We're definitely mature enough to be your parents.  Right?  Right?