A Moment in Tyme

Dear Ty,

I love love love what I do for a living, but Sunday nights and Monday mornings have gotten tough.  Really tough.  It's all your fault!  As you sat there at dinner wiggling around and dancing and giggling every time we said "John Quinones" (yeah, it's a weird long story, our new trick), I wished that today could be a few hours longer.  I guess if I'm really wishing, I might wish for even more than that, but we are so blessed to have all the moments we do with you that it just seems greedy to want more.  At the same time, I can't help but feel guilty for all those moments I spend away from you.

We had more truly wonderful moments with you after dinner tonight.  Every little thing you did just made me want to squeeze you more and not let go.  You came up on the couch to snuggle with Daddy and me, which I adore, and you melted our hearts by telling us both that you love us.  You delighted in "So You Think You Can Dance" and added your own commentary.  My favorites were "I love hip hop!" and "It's raining.  It's sad."  You are incredibly perceptive.  You mimicked my commentary as Daddy and I discussed this ridiculous teacher/school amendment that will be on Missouri ballots in November ("It's ludicrous!  Ludicrous!").  You tried to hide when it was time to go upstairs for your bath time and bedtime.  How did we know?  You shouted out from behind an over-sized pillow, "I hiding!  I scare Mama!"

You really summed up our feelings best by quoting Pharrell as we all curled up together to enjoy our last few moments of the weekend.  "I happy," you said, "like a room without roof."  Le sigh.  Could you be any more perfect or any more ours?

"I'd hold you every second
Say a million I love yous
That's what I'd do, with one more day with you

...but then again
I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you"

A million I love yous to you, Bubba.

Love,

Mom

  

Summer Summer Summer Tyme

Dear Ty,

This has, hands down, been one of the best summers I've ever had.  That's kind of crazy considering that it ranks up there with the summer I married Daddy and the summer I had you.  Those were both extraordinary life-changing events, and nothing this summer has been particularly huge.  I think that's exactly the point, though.  You know how to take silly little regular things and make them remarkable.  The other day I was almost moved to tears watching you eat yogurt ("ogurt") by yourself with a spoon.  It's just so cool that you can do that and that you are becoming your own little independent guy.  Who knew that could be a big deal?

People say all the time that they wish they could stop time and that their kids would stay babies forever.  I get that.  I totally do.  Yet, I kind of have to disagree.  When I think about the new things you do to amaze me every single day, I can't think of a single one I would trade in to stop time.  Each new word becomes incredibly special when it's said with your magical voice.  Each time you have us saying, "I didn't know he could do that!" (which is constantly, by the way), I get so excited about how much more you keep showing of each wonderful quality that you have.  You're intelligent, hilarious, compassionate, determined, silly, and all kinds of other adjectives that I never realized before could be assigned to a little person who is barely more than two years old.  

It occurred to me the other day that TY can stand for something else: thank you.  I find this really fitting as I'm getting ready to go back to work full time and am thinking about our time together this summer.  As hard as it will be to give up all of the extra hours and days we've had, I feel oh so thankful to have had this summer with you.  This time is truly priceless.  With all of that being said, from the bottom of my heart, I want to thank you for...

... making me laugh.  You are SERIOUSLY FUNNY.  When asked what Daddy does at work, you grin knowingly as if you're in on the joke and say "Daddy make cash money!"  You unroll all of the toilet paper and hide the evidence in such a clever way that I can't even be mad.  You get up and throw an impromptu dance party in the middle of dinner.  You roar "STOMP STOMP STOMP" when you're charging like a dinosaur and whisper "tiptoe tiptoe tiptoe" when you try to sneak up on someone.  You "read" all kinds of books confidently and do your own voices to mimic ours for the characters.  You give us a crinkly eyed grin when you know you're about to do something bad, forcing us to forgive you before it even happens.

...sharing your good heart.  I have been ridiculously clumsy lately, which has resulted in my own personal injuries and messes to clean up all over the house.  A few weeks ago, I was getting out leftovers of a salad that I really wanted to eat.  I slipped, and an entire bowl of Thai cucumbers ended up smeared all over the inside of the refrigerator and on the kitchen floor.  As I sat there mourning the loss of my snack and the gain of a large mess that would need to be cleaned up, you came to the rescue.  You asked if I was okay, and I told you I was sad.  Without even being prompted, you responded by patting me, hugging, me, and whispering "It otay" until I picked myself up and got over it.  It's strange to find myself saying this about such a young little bubba, but you have an amazing amount of empathy and depth that you share all the time.

...being so curious.  Besides being the sign that you must be a genius, I love this about you because it makes me see the world in a different way.  Your two favorite questions lately are "What's that?" and "What doin'?"  Knowing that one or both of these is probably seconds away at any given time really keeps me on my toes.  "What doin', Mama?"
"Well, Ty, umm... I was fixing my wedgie."  
"What's that?"
Ha!  There is seriously never a dull moment.  Through your eyes, Bed, Bath, & Beyond becomes a spectacular sensory experience, and making dinner is a mind-blowing set of wondrous events.  It's like the episode of Friends where Alec Baldwin finds everything to be wondrous and fascinating.  We'll have to watch that together someday, and I'll tell you about how you did this.  You'll giggle like Daddy.

...snuggling.  I had my first two days back at work this week, and I missed you terribly.  You're a squirmy guy these days, impossible to fully capture in life or on film.  However, you let me snuggle you this week when I got home from work.  In fact, you even asked for it.  That's unheard of!  Thanks for letting me squeeze you for hours and for letting me know that you just might have missed me back. :)

...lifting me up.  It's hard to explain this one because it's different things and so many little things and everything.  My faith has never been stronger than it is since God gave us you.  I just want to be better and stronger and more faithful because I am your mom.  I want to be a worthy example.  I want the world to be better because you live in it.  You have also helped me to realize some important things about myself.  Anyone who knows me or has known me well knows that I am incredibly hard on myself.  I always think I could be doing more, saying more, loving more, caring more... there's always just more.  It's immensely hard for me to ever think I am or that anything I do is good enough.  You make it a lot easier.  Because of you and Daddy, I can experience a type of happiness that is rare even for happy me: contentment.  Knowing that you and Daddy love and admire me despite all my faults is everything.  I must be doing something right, something good enough.  Being a wife and a mom has me constantly questioning every little thing that I do, but you guys also help to create calm for me.  Every time I think about how amazing you are and every time someone else tells me how awesome you are (which is ALL.THE.TIME), I can relax, sigh, and decide that I am enough for the people who are most important to me.

As always, there are a million more things I want to say, but we'll leave it at this for now.  Thank you, Tyson. You are a gift, a delight, and a treasure.

I love you.

Mama

Tyson'll Make Ya Jump! Jump!

Dear Mr. Ty,

It's been a while, eh?  You've been keeping us busy, busy, busy.  It's crazy how much energy you have and how much joy you bring. :)  You are still Daddy's little mini me.  Grandma and Grandpa even got you some little Sperries to complete the twindom. You are so smart that it astounds us, and you're doing all kinds of new things.

I am thrilled that even though you look exactly like Daddy, you do have a lot in common with me too.  Take tonight, for example.  You were so excited to show us when you got home that you know how to jump. You kept running around shouting "Jump!" and launching yourself into the air.  You may not have a career as a basketball player (we'll keep working on those ups), but you really do know how to have a good time and how to entertain yourself!

Daddy and I jumped along with you for a while, much to your delight.  You weren't ready to give up this new and fantastic trick when we started to make dinner, so you carried on.  As you gained confidence, courage, and air, you also got a little wobbly.  On one particularly spectacular jump, your legs came out from under you, and you wiped out on your buns.  I waited to see your reaction, hoping that you would shrug it off like you often do.  What you did was even better!  You just sat calmly and started playing, pretending that this had all been part of your master plan.  When you noticed me looking, you just gave me a "there's nothing to see here look" and kept on keepin' on.  Atta boy.  Between that, sticking your tongue out for concentration, and talking incessantly to yourself, maybe you do have a little of me in you after all. :)

"When you stumble, make it part of the dance."

Keep being you, sweet boy.

Love you,

Mom

Our Crazy BeauTYful Life

Dear Tyson,

We are in the midst of a completely ordinary Saturday morning in this household.  You are currently chasing General around the house, wielding a fork and looking extra cute in your dinosaur footie pajamas.  We just got done with our Panera souffles and pumpkin spice lattes (weekly fall staples in this household).  It's crazy play time now, and then nap time and football time later  We've had a lot of Saturdays like this, and I am hopeful that we will have a lot more.  On this most ordinary of mornings, though, I am completely overcome with an extraordinary amount of gratitude.

It started when I was watching you eat breakfast.  You are getting so good with your fork!  You show great determination in stabbing something as many times as it needs to be stabbed, and you show even more excitement once you shovel it into your mouth by yourself.  I know this will sound totally silly, but I am really proud of you every time I see you use that fork.  It's crazy how smart you are and how quickly you teach yourself how to do things.  In the past few weeks, you have learned how to open the baby gate by the stairs (which scares the living daylights out of us, by the way), how to say all kinds of things, how to put shapes into your toy cookie jar, and so much more.  I was thinking this morning about how proud I am of all these little things, and I can't even begin to imagine how that pride will grow as you start to do even bigger things.  My heart swells for you with everything you do.

Unfortunately, this is the part where I have to admit how selfish I have been.  Over the past months, I have allowed my thoughts to be consumed with wanting more.  I want more of you little heart stealing buggers running all over making a mess in this house.  Daddy and I want to give you brothers and sisters.  We want a family big enough to make me lose my closet (and maybe even my mind a little bit, too).  This is not a dream that has been easy to realize.  It doesn't help that it was so easy with you or that it seems like every five minutes people ask us when there will be another.  If I had it in me, I'd answer honestly that those questions drive little daggers into my heart because if it was up to me, you'd be a big brother by now.  The hardest thing for me to accept has been that it is not up to me.  Until now.

What I realized this morning is that I thank God that it is not up to me.  He has provided more for me than I could ever hope for or dream of or deserve.  I would not be anything without His love and guidance.  He gave me Daddy and our family (the blood ones that we love so much AND all the other ones that we chose for ourselves).  He gives me over a hundred new kids every year to brighten my days and to do His work.  And then there's you.  Any time I feel selfish or ungrateful, all I have to do is look into your eyes, my little crazy haired, joyful, belly laughing, sweet miracle, to feel utterly humbled and thankful.

So what if this is "all" there is?  I am pretty <pardon my French> damn lucky.  When I leave things in God's hands I see evidence every minute of every day of His amazing work.  My blessings are abundant, and it is not possible to ever be grateful enough for what He has given me when I believe in and trust in Him.  He knows my heart, and He loves me anyway.  Instead of focusing on the selfish wants of my heart, I promise to try to focus on all of these beautiful moments with you guys that go by oh so quickly.

Tyson, I can't remember what life was like without you.  Part of the reason it's hard to remember is because I don't even want to try.  You have made our lives more magical than anything that we ever could have dreamed for ourselves.  You are all of our best parts added up into one tiny little incredible guy.  You are our greatest blessing and our greatest accomplishment.  You are, and will always be, more than enough.

It is tough for me to share all of this, both because of how raw and emotional it is and because you somehow keep acquiring new forks (or cups or mugs or blocks or...whew), so I have to stop to rescue you or hug you every few minutes.  I love it.  I love you.  Keep being wonderful you, little buddy.

For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. Matthew 6:21

I love you so much.

Mom

Forktunate

Dear Tyson,

I have breaking news!  You learned how to use a fork this weekend!  This may not sound that exciting or like that much of an accomplishment, but I assure you that it is.  I am going to turn thirty soon, and I'm still trying to learn how to eat neatly and properly with a fork.  That's not to say that your fork eating is neat... there's still some flinging.  It's not to say that you are all of a sudden an etiquette school graduate in proper table manners either.  You may or may not have accidentally flung some mac 'n' cheese at an innocent bystander today at Panera with your makeshift "cheese wand" fork (actually a straw).  However, we're as pleased with you and proud of you as ever.  What a smarty pants you are. :)  Check it out!

Contemplating...

...stabbing...

...pondering...

... devouring! :)

Welcome to the world of legit silverware usage.  You're pretty legit yourself, little man.

Love you like you love picking up shoes and running around the house,

Mom